I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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