I like my sex mixed with concussions.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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