My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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