Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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