You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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