Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
