Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
