To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize