you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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