I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
