So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i black out too much to be "responsible"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
