He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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