I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
