When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
