Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
