he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
