I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
