We're facebook friends in real life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
