i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
