im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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