That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
