i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
