well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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