Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
