How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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