white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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