Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
