Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
