i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
