I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
