Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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