she was so not down for the gang bang
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
