can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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