I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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