I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
