Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
