I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
