Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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