everyone is single if you try hard enough
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's always time for handjobs
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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