they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
