dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize