Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i came on her dog
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
