The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize