Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
