I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
