It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there was a trapeze. enough said
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
