I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
