We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
