If that was your dad, he is hot
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
