This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
