One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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