What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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