He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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