well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
