we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
