I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
