I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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