Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
