When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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