he thought i was a dude.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
