remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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