I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
