I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
