There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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