omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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