My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
