She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
