Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
